From the opening moment in which a black cleaning woman enters a motel room and remarks, “Ooh, it smells in here!”, and proceeds to spray an air freshener, the viewer knows exactly what sort of prurient, gutter-dwelling hood drama awaits. Stinky, monotonous, and real, Lot Lizards follows a sassy sisterhood of streetwalkers – specialists in “shakin’ ass and makin’ that cash” – as they peddle their bubble butts and strut their survival skills in the faces of the abusive husbands and manipulative pimps in their lives. Mirthless hip-hop drones over seemingly every scene as the women slap, fuck, shoot, and steal their way through two hours of screen time while raising such thought-provoking questions as, “What makes yo pussy so muthafuckin’ special?” About as nourishing as the snack selection at your local ghetto convenience store, Lot Lizards at least offers a few crunchy bites of tangy and too-salty junk food. My favorite part is when a maid (Ruby Jackson) discovers a corpse and grumbles, “Damn, I got to clean this nasty-ass room.”

1.5 out of 5 stars. Ideological Content Analysis indicates that Lot Lizards is:

Anti-Christian. Religion only appears in the form of a pimp’s tacky gold crucifixes and “Praise Gang” bling.

Misandrist, anti-marriage, and anti-family. Every male character in Lot Lizards is a creep: either an abuser of some sort or a cheating husband, with enlightened sisters opting to do it for themselves. “Show no love, ‘cause love’ll get you kilt,” is this movie’s coldblooded philosophy. “This nigga fuckin’ crazy […] talkin’ ‘bout he wanna marry me and shit.”

Capitalist. Small businesswoman Angie (Chastity Nicole) embodies the self-reliant bootstrap spirit in her determination to assert herself as “queen lot lizard” among her fellow hookers.

Bidenist! Black male super-predators bring nothing but sorrow and physical harm to the women in their lives, who sometimes wish they would stay locked up. Starr (Joanna Latrice), for example, who “ain’t even ‘bout that life no more”, is annoyed when “dog-ass nigga” Tez (Cortez Maxwell) is released from prison. “I’m so sicka him, mang,” she complains. “Thought he was in jail. Who let him out?”

Rainer Chlodwig von K.

Rainer is the author of Drugs, Jungles, and Jingoism.