Lamb Chop’s Special Chanukah (1995) ***1/2
This kooky kiddie relic of the pandemic cultural crappiness constituting the 1990s opens with sock-puppeteer Sonia Hurwitz (alias Shari Lewis) doing some last-minute Chanukah shopping in an open air produce market. Brimming with the supremacist ebullience of the season, Hurwitz launches into a song to tell her fellow shoppers how happy she is, dancing and twirling her red coattail like a vampire’s cape now that Chanukah, like some biblical plague, has finally arrived! She bumps into TV has-beens Pat Morita (Happy Days) and Alan Thicke (Growing Pains) and invites them to come to her house for dinner. That means it is up to Hurwitz and Lamb Chop to cook enough latkes (potato pancakes) to accommodate their guests – all while singing up a funky shitstorm about it, of course.
Meanwhile, Hurwitz’s mutant child, buck-toothed miniature pony Charlie Horse, is trying to win a prize by creating the greatest-ever superhero using a computer game. Thicke and Morita have dual roles as two of Charlie’s botched superhero creations, Weapons Man and Super Ninja, who proceed to tear up Hurwitz’s house like a couple of ungrateful goyische kops. Lloyd Bochner also appears as a disembodied flying head in an existential crisis. Camp factor, needless to say, is high.
Nothing captures the spirit of a Jewish holiday like a Jew with her fist stuffed up the ass of a symbol of Christ named after its own dismemberment. Christians, accustomed to celebrating the birth or resurrection of Jesus and seeing Jews constantly depicted as innocent victims in the massive ass media, are generally unaware that the Chosen, in choosing their holy days, prefer to commemorate the slaughter of gentile enemies and their children.
Chanukah, or Hanukkah, or however one attempts to express by means of the English alphabet the phlegm production signifying the name of this eight-day indulgence in ritual self-worship, celebrates the victory of Judah Maccabee, or “Judas Sledgehammer”, who defeated the gentile forces of the Greeks and the Syrians, two peoples against whom – if recent history offers any indication – the Jews still bear a bloodthirsty grudge.
3.5 out of 5 Stars of David. Lock yourself in this laughing-gas chamber and get exterminated with cuteness.
Shari’s Passover Surprise (1996) ***1/2
Charlie Horse is running for Fifth Grade President at his elementary school, which apparently is so progressive that disheveled Jewish ponies are permitted to enroll alongside human children. Hoping to sway his classmates’ loyalties by means of old country hospitality – and to subject them to weepy tales of Jewish woe to gain sympathy votes – Charlie invites the whole multicultural crew to the Hurwitz home for a Passover Seder. That means lots o’ matzo to make!
Gullible tub Dom DeLuise, tricked into believing himself the recipient of some enviable privilege, is persuaded to play the shabbos goy and cook supper for the bunch, and professes his eagerness to become a Seder “sadist”, while Benson‘s Robert Guillaume is also invited and sings some soulful jive about the plagues visited upon the Egyptians. Rounding out the likable cast of has-beens is Alan Thicke, putting in another brief appearance in the demanding role of himself.
The Seder is a kind of nightmarish house party, with characters crawling around looking for a hidden matzo and Lamb Chop hanging from a chandelier and screaming in vain for help from Shari. This being the 90s, when the children are told the story of the Egyptian captivity, they are told to boo when Pharaoh is mentioned and go “Woo Woo Woo!” like an Arsenio Hall audience whenever Moses gets name-dropped.
Passover occasions the Jews’ deluded gloating over their psychotic god Yahweh’s mass murder of gentile children in Egypt during the period of the Israelites’ supposed enslavement in that land. Notwithstanding the utter lack of archaeological evidence for this, however, Shari’s Passover Surprise goes whole hog and more than once trots out the ludicrous claim that Hebrew wretches were even forced to build the pyramids.
Continuing in the tradition of killing gentile children, Shari’s Passover Surprise cuts loose with a veritable enfilade of politically correct small ordnance, hitting the audience with a cheerful anti-slavery pep talk, multicultural mumbo jumbo, and even an endorsement of bestiality when Charlie Horse determines to ask a black girl out on a date – all designed to murder the mind and squash incipient self-esteem in any white children who may happen to be watching.
There is also a faint echo of Kristallnacht when Charlie Horse and a blond boy are playing catch outside Robert Guillaume’s house and break out one of his windows. The blond boy, naturally being a fink, runs away and leaves the horse to take the whole of the blame. Damn blond kids! It was a perfectly good and wholesomely diverse neighborhood until they moved in!
3.5 out of 5 Stars of David. Press play and get plagued, you hateful goyim!
“Come on, Bubby, light my fire!”
icareviews 
I always assume anyone associated with the entertainment biz is jewish. 9.5 X out of 10 I’m correct.
I’ll confess that, after learning that so many actors are crypto-Jews, I’ve gotten to the point where I’m a little paranoid and start wondering if dark-haired or slightly odd-looking gentiles are Jewish. A while back I was watching a John Denver Christmas movie and had convinced myself he was one of them.
To be honest it’s to the point where I’d not be terribly surprise to learn he was.
Even the good looking blonde haired, blue eyed ones can be yids too ya know.
Last year, as I was looking at the cover of my DVD of the 80s classic Big, a childhood favorite of mine, a faint unease and suspicion came over me as I gazed at the face of Tom Hanks. In the years since I had enjoyed him in comedies like Bachelor Party and The ‘Burbs, he had revealed himself as a sicko liberal weenie and ruined his image, as far as I was concerned, by playing an AIDS homo in Philadelphia and a retard in Forrest Gump; and I started to wonder as I looked at the face of this lovable character for whom I retained a wistful, nostalgic 80s affection, if he’d been a culturally hostile crypto all along and had been brainwashing me as a kid. So I looked him up on Wikipedia and was somewhat relieved to discover that his mother was Portuguese. That could mean Sephardic ancestry, of course, who knows . . . Whatever the case, I regard him as a total turncoat and a traitor to the great comedy legacy he abandoned by going flaming liberal and “serious” as an actor.
I know how you feel.
I was raised by television. I felt horribly betrayed when I learned the truth about the “entertainment” industry.
That Sheri Lewis clip with Bensonin it was HORRIBLE!!
I’m lovin’ it.
It’s the targeting of children that really gets to me. I know what you mean about looking at actors and guessing, I’m getting pretty good at it by now.
Btw, do you know how the whole imaginary old jews building pyramids theory originated? My random guess is one of them saw the impressive construction, got jealous and swiped the patents or something.
Probably so. They like to have the monopoly on suffering in history, so they no doubt wanted to cut the blacks off at the pass who might try to say that instead it was they who had been whipped up the slopes of those ancient tombs. Black slavery is practically a cruise holiday compared to the harrowing, grinding, tear-duct-exhausting terror of Jewish bondage!
Where the hell is my nigga Jon Voight? Sheeet. Arsenio should have trademarked that Woot Wooting. Had he been heeb, he certainly would have. Sucks to be you schwartze.