Archives for posts with tag: Uncork’d Entertainment

Those attracted by top-billed Danny Trejo, who plays a priest named Father Connely [sic], will be disappointed to learn that the haggard actor dies in the opening scene of this oddball Christian horror film. Likewise, Eric Roberts, the other celebrity name in the cast, has only a smallish role as the sinister Father Tollman. Whether or not The Cloth offers any other inducements will be a matter mainly of the individual viewer’s interest in religion, exorcism, and copious low-grade CGI.

Following the deaths of his parents and his disillusionment at the acquittal of a murderous drunk driver, young Jason (Kyler Willett) would be content to spend his life in hedonistic abandon, clubbing, drinking, and bagging chicks; but Father Diekman (Lassiter Holmes) has other plans for the lad. Diekman belongs to a secret order of special ops clergy, The Cloth, that wages Hellboyish war on the unholy through exorcism and spiritualized gunplay. Jason, though reluctant to join at first, becomes a convert when confronted with demons firsthand. Soon, with the salutary example of sexy but modest Laurel (Perla Rodriguez) and gunsmith Helix (Cameron White) to guide him, Jason is utilizing a silly array of Christian weaponry like holy water grenades, armor forged from materials in the Ark of the Covenant, and corny CGI firepower to dispatch the Devil’s minions.

Kyler Willett is handsome and likable enough as smart aleck hero Jason, but Lassiter Holmes, true to his name, tends rather too much toward lassitude as the boring Father Diekman, an uninspiring mentor to say the least. Rodriguez gets a lot of mileage from coyly brushing the hair from her eyes, and White lends just the right mix of class and kitsch with his English accent and tacky Christian t-shirts that say things like, “Exorcise regularly.” The dialogue does sometimes leave these actors in the lurch, however, and never rises above the mildly amusing level of, “That’s holy water – bitch.”

More damaging than any shortcomings of casting, however, are the filmmakers’ insistence on bringing to the screen effects-reliant phantasmagorias that are simply beyond the means of such a limited budget. The action sequences, too, are sometimes overly abrupt and insufficiently covered. The Cloth, consequently, is about as scary as the cover of the Louvin Brothers’ album Satan Is Real. Those interested in studying or actualizing the cavernous blackness of the Catholic imagination would do better to turn to the philosophical horrors of William Peter Blatty, The Ninth Configuration and Exorcist III, which rely on depth of atmosphere and the weight of ideas rather than special effects to keep audiences alert and entertained.

Ideological Content Analysis indicates that The Cloth is:

11. Anti-state. As an unjust court decision demonstrates, justice is to be had not through secular law, but through the arms of a militant Church.

10. Anti-capitalistic. A priest taking diabolical bribes is unwilling to assist a poor parishioner whose contribution is understandably small. This venal villain is repaid handsomely when coins pour from his mouth in a torrent.

9. Pro-life. Jason’s father, Diekman relates, resisted the counsel to “terminate” Laurel’s life when she was possessed and instead chose to see the potential for good in her.

8. Anti-drug. Drinking and driving means accidents. Jason, a drinker at the beginning of the film, later fills his hip flask with holy water. The Devil’s possessed snort lines of cocaine.

7. Multiculturalist. Anglos and Hispanics work together more than once. “The very basis of our beliefs stems from the arrival of the Apostles from such places as Jerusalem, Africa, and even Asia.” (cf. no. 3)

6. Pro-gun. One gun owner standing in the way of the Cloth’s mission brandishes his weapon threateningly, but firearms are for the most part represented positively as indispensable implements of the Lord’s work.

5. Miscegenation-ambivalent. Jason and white-enough Hispanic cutie Laurel walk away hand-in-hand at the end, but interracial pairings of spicier stuff are strictly the province of the Devil.

4. Anti-slut/anti-gay. Good girl Laurel represents sexual modesty charmingly. Laurel, initially rejecting Jason’s advances, tells him, “My beliefs come before my own personal desires.” Fornicators are more than once destroyed by demonic power or disfigured. Cohabitation is also discouraged, as Jason’s devilish ex-girlfriend leaves an odor of sulfur in his apartment. The Devil’s hos, naturally, are promiscuous lesbos. The Cloth would also appear to frown on tattoos.

3. Racist! Clearly self-loathing black writer-director Justin Price casts himself as the demon Kasdeyah, Satan’s emissary on Earth. Minorities are disproportionately represented among the possessed (cf. no. 7).

2. Traditionalist/pro-family. Jason, though he has long resented and misunderstood his father, comes to follow in his footsteps both professionally and spiritually.

1. Christian and specifically Catholic. Latin mumbo jumbo works! Laurel, explaining away the occasional bad apple in the clergy, claims, “There’s no such thing as corruption in the Church, Jason. The only Church that has ever existed lies within.”

Skew, a low-budget POV horror that ought to satisfy viewers still hungry for more of what last year’s V/H/S had to offer, opens with a quotation from Balzac to the effect that photography, not limiting itself to documenting reality, actually takes something away, somehow diminishing the subject.

When Simon (Rob Scattergood), one of three twenty-or-thirtysomethings on a road trip en route to a wedding, finds that his camcorder makes unsettling revelations about the people around him, the question then becomes whether the camera is only conveying something invisible to the naked eye, or is actually creating the misfortunes that dog the trio on their trip.  The camera becomes an obsession for Simon, to the point that he is unable to tear himself away from it and feels compelled to film every moment of his day.  Companions Rich (Richard Olak) and Rich’s girlfriend Eva (Amber Lewis) are made increasingly uncomfortable by Simon’s fixation and claims of fleeting visions, a situation made more volatile by his ambiguous feelings toward Eva.

Skew is usually more engrossing than a moody, shakily photographed study of three foul-mouthed underachievers ought to be, and manages a mild, attention-sustaining eeriness.  3 out of 5 stars.

Ideological Content Analysis indicates that Skew is:

[WARNING: POTENTIAL SPOILERS]

3. Animal rights militant.  As in Deer Crossing, roadkill can only mean an albatross and trouble ahead.  Skew goes as far as to feature two albatrosses, a coyote and a deer, both hit by automobiles.  The occupants of the offending vehicle must pay.

2. Anti-family/anti-marriage.  Simon blames his parents for depriving him of his childhood memories by not taking any pictures of him.  Unmarried, childless cohabitation is the order of the day.  A tourist trap display of the world’s most humongous pot and dish represents articles of domesticity as absurdly imposing behemoths.  Traveling to a wedding becomes the occasion for the characters’ doom.  Rich, an atheist, says he only believes in the here and now and in family and friends before being murdered by his friend.

1. Neo-Luddite.  Technology is evil and haunted.  Cameras kill, buses crash, and cars slaughter wildlife.  Reality television, by filtering life through an electronic lens, is in fact a paradoxical proposition in that it skews reality in the act of documentation.

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