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Jack Ryan: Too Sexy for His Shirt

Determined as the Jews and the military-industrial complex are to resuscitate Cold War tensions with Russia, what could be more appropriate than a reboot of the Jack Ryan spy franchise for the post-9/11 mindfuckorama? Chris Pine stars as the studly economics student who, after witnessing the WTC attack (i.e., the Mossad’s false flag), joins the Marines like a good, obedient little goy and eventually gets recruited by the Central Intelligence Agency and transformed into a super-spook. The clear and present danger this time out is Putin’s plot to crash the American economy with a terror attack on Wall Street. (Not kidding, this condescending crapola is actually the plot.) Ryan’s CIA handler Harper (Kevin Costner, making amends for playing a sympathetic Jim Garrison in JFK) sends him to Moscow to foil Russian businessman and intelligence asset Viktor Cherevin (Kenneth Branagh, who also directs), with events eventually spilling messily back into the United States. Jack Ryan: Too Sexy for His Shirt is suitably tense and action-peppered, a serviceable entry in the espionage genre marred only by its necessarily diametric opposition to truth. In fact, to have some idea of what is actually happening in the world, the viewer need only believe the opposite of every assertion made by this blatant propaganda film.

4 out of 5 stars. Ideological Content Analysis indicates that Jack Ryan: Too Sexy for His Shirt is:

4. Anti-Christian. Russian sleeper agents meet in a church in Michigan. Cherevin lights a candle in a Russian cathedral and vows that “America will bleed” as a men’s choir sings behind him. St. Basil’s Cathedral, meanwhile, “looks like ice cream.”

3. Pro-N.W.O., glamorizing the image of the CIA blot on western civilization. The Agency with its S&M freaks “makes sure we don’t get hit again.” Jack Ryan gets a job at a bank as cover for investigating the secret funding of terrorist networks, but no explanation is given as to why he and the CIA never investigate the put options indicating advance knowledge of 9/11. Instead, Ryan’s pryings lead him to a Russian plot, so that the film misleads its viewers into accepting a false continuity between the al Qaeda terror threat and present tensions with Putin. The only honest connection, of course, is that both have been favorite bogeys in Zionist media hype.

2. Zionist. One scene makes the specifically Jewish grudge against Russia obvious. In a church where Russian conspirators meet, the minister’s sermon includes the following lines from Lamentations: “He has torn down the strongholds of the daughter of Judah. He has brought her kingdom and its princes down to the ground in dishonor.” The Russians presumably see themselves in the God role here in their fiendish intention to humble Israel by thwarting its loyal golem America. Yahweh naturally teaches these presumptuous goyim a lesson, smiting them with the wrath of His righteous CIA counterterrorism.

1. Anti-Russian. Russians, as always in Hollywood movies, are sleazy, dishonest, and brutish. Russia, not America, is the aggressor in all international relations. A Russian diplomat, for instance, attempts to squash the development of a Turkish oil pipeline that would threaten a Russian “monopoly”. Russia is described as “the Wild West”. “They’re still ideologues,” furthermore, “but the new ideology is money.” And more sinister still: “They’re not a country, they’re a corporation.” Unlike good old exceptional America. Positively no corporate mentality here! America is motivated by patriotism! Russians, not Jews, stage geopolitical coups with terror attacks in New York City. And poor little innocent U.S.A. would never wage economic jihad against Russia’s economy. Those dastardly Russians are the only ones who would ever perpetrate a villainous financial Holocaust like that.

This film, which examines human behavior in the face of impending extinction, has an intriguing first half hour, particularly as it surveys society’s general response: rampant promiscuity, orgies, drug use, and rioting. Some moments are so shocking and uncompromising that I wish these could be salvaged as part of a better film yet to be made on the same subject.

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World is less interesting as it abandons the apocalyptic tableau and focuses on the individual concerns of effeminized, self-pitying wimp and non-leading man Steve Carell, whose cheating wife has abandoned him at the news that humanity is doomed, and his new friend, annoying neighbor Keira Knightley. Specifically, the movie goes into an irrevocably accelerating nosedive from the pointless moment the pair drops in to visit Knightley’s black survivalist ex-boyfriend.

As for the cast, Carell is fun to watch when the material is good, but I’ve learned that I have only a limited tolerance for Knightley’s endless cutesy facial posing. Patton Oswalt appears briefly as a character named Roache and delivers some embarrassingly obscene dialogue, and Martin Sheen wastes a few minutes of what remains of his life as Carell’s estranged father.

Ultimately too self-consciously quirky, uneventful, and self-important, Seeking a Friend for the End of the World is at best a high-potential but squandered opportunity. Carell’s dying world and his interactions with friends and with Knightley hold out the promise of something new and unique in cinema – apocalyptic films tending to be uniformly grim or action-oriented, whereas this could have been an apocalyptic romantic black comedy – but it ends up feeling more like 30 minutes of serious thought and 60 minutes of mopey, superficial navel-gazing and disposable tongue-in-cheek humor and sentimentality. Just an average 3 of 5 stars.

My advice: see the imperfect and frustrating but conversation-sparking film The Rapture (1991) instead.

Ideological Content Analysis indicates that Seeking a Friend for the End of the World is:

3. (Arguably) anti-Occupier, as Knightley’s lazy, arrogantly jobless live-in boyfriend fits the bill and cops out when things get scary, and because riots and looting come across as realistically frightening.

2. Pro-miscegenation, from the standpoint that any publicity is good publicity (accounts for half-star deduction; they really need to start putting this stuff in the trailer as a service to moviegoers)

1. Pro-slut/anti-marriage (though some hope may be held out for unconventional, new age unions)

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