Sorry to break your hearts, perverts, but my screen name, “Rainer Chlodwig von Cuck”, was never supposed to be any kind of sexual reference, and I have always pronounced it “kook”, as in “a crazy person”. In choosing a handle to represent my original online incarnation as a movie reviewer and right-wing publicist, I decided to call myself “Cuckoo” in the same sense in which a feisty black man might refer to himself as a “nigger”. People will brand me a nutty reactionary, I thought. Fine, I’ll wear it like a badge and call myself “Cuckoo” for a lark.

When I decided to style myself “Rainer Chlodwig von Cuck”, thinking I might facetiously affect a veneer of Prussian class, I naively assumed that those who had been following my work online would understand that “Cuck” ought to be pronounced “kook” and was merely a shortening of “Cuckoo” – and not some indication that I have an interest in sharing women with other men. For the record, I do not. That my moniker had been misapprehended became apparent to me when a degenerated hussy followed me on Twitter. So as to dispel any confusion, henceforth my writings will appear credited to “Rainer Chlodwig von Kook” – damn it.

Rainer Chlodwig von Kook